You have done this before. You know roughly what you should eat, how much you should move and when you should go to bed. For a week or two it goes well. Then something slips, and a month later you are back where you started, wondering what is wrong with you.
Nothing is wrong with you. What happened is that you asked a body that was busy watching for danger to take on a project.
It is difficult to make lasting change when your nervous system is in a threatened state.
Matt DeWild, RN
Your brain settles the question of safety first
Long before you weigh up what would be sensible, older parts of your brain answer a simpler question: am I safe right now. When the answer is no, or not sure, your body spends its budget accordingly. Attention goes outward. Digestion, repair and deep sleep move down the list. Energy is held back for whatever might be coming.
That is a good system. It is the reason people survive hard things. It becomes a problem when it stays switched on for years, because the state that protects you is also the state that makes change expensive.
What that looks like day to day
People describe it to us in ordinary words rather than clinical ones:
- Wide awake at three in the morning, exhausted at three in the afternoon
- A stomach that reacts to a difficult week
- Tired all day and wired at night
- Snapping at the people you would least like to snap at
- Needing sugar or caffeine to get through the afternoon
- Knowing exactly what to do, and not being able to start
These are examples of what people bring to us, not a list of conditions, and they are not a character flaw. Often they are what a body looks like when a good share of its resources is going into vigilance.
Regulate, Integrate, Optimize
Those three words are how we work here, in that order, because the order matters.
- Regulate. Help your nervous system move out of constant alarm, so your body feels safe enough to rest, heal and change.
- Integrate. Help the different parts of your brain work together, for better function across mind and body.
- Optimize. Build the habits, strengths and resilience designed to keep you well for the long run.
Most plans begin at the third step. That is why most plans feel like pushing a car uphill. When the first step comes first, the third one stops taking so much willpower.
Three places to start this week
None of this is a treatment plan, and none of it replaces care from somebody who knows your situation. It is simply where we often begin.
- Pick one wake time and keep it, weekends included, and get daylight into your eyes within an hour of getting up. Your body reads that as the start of the day.
- Make the exhale longer than the inhale for a minute or two, a few times a day. A slower breath out is one of the few switches you can reach directly.
- Move in a way you would choose before you move in a way you dread. Walking counts. A body that is already on alert does not need a punishing workout to prove a point.
When it is worth talking to somebody
If what you have read sounds like the last five years rather than the last five weeks, a conversation is a reasonable next step. A free consult costs nothing and commits you to nothing: you tell us what has been going on, and we tell you honestly whether we are the right people to help.
Molly Hinke-DeWild, LISW, offers mental health therapy to people located in Iowa, in person in Bettendorf or by telehealth. Matt DeWild, RN, works with people through coaching and functional health coaching, which are education and support rather than therapy. If you would rather write than talk, send us a message and we will answer.